Deck the Halls

Fa La La La La La La La La. merry christmas y'all/ and or Happy Birthday Jesus!
i'm expecting everyone had a really excellent Christmas. I know I did. I got to spend time with my family which is always entertaining and loved watching everyone open their gifts. this year i crafted everyone's gifts. surprisingly they turned out really cute, I was a little hesitant but after making them all i was very proud of myself for slaving forever (okay, hours) on these cute little flower pins! im glad im still in this crafty phase. i have decided to get creative with my room so my once colorful rainbow/skittles room is now becoming an adult room of relaxation and peace. i can only strive to get there so we will see how it actually turns out.
Aside from Christmas i have decided i will never work in customer service again. for the past few weeks i have been working at the Gaylord Texan in the ICE exhibit. for those of you who dont know what that is i'll explain. ICE is a huge place filled with a theme of ice sculpues. this year they chose "A Charlie Brown Christmas" so they hire these chinese men to stay in the Gaylord for 30 days working 12 hours a day making these awesome sculptures. once they are finished they put a few gift stores in there a hot cocoa stand and of course a picture booths and there you have ice. people pay over 30 dollars a ticket to stand in line for hours and then walk in 9 degree weather for about 30 mins wearing these huge blue parkas. wondering what exactly i do? i work in the photography section of it. its not great. i stand all the time and have to pretent to be super excited about my job and laugh at every person that walks up to the table and says " where the ones wearing the blue parkas, can you find our picture?" i dont know if they think thats funny or not..but its really not. thankfully my last day is the 30th due to my trip to UTAHHH!
im super excited for utah. words cant describe. i get to see my favorite person in the whole world stephanie. she is my angel. and i get to spend 2 weeks with her. no destractions this time! she is one of the few people who can make me happier than anything in the world. i could spend every second with her and i would never get annoyed, and that says a lot! shes an awesome example for me, inside and outside the church. only a few more days (5 to be exact) till i see her!
well, suckas I know i am terrible at writing in this, and i know that you know i Suck at writing in this because i remind you every post but once i know how to be crafty with this i promise it will be good. chatcha later!

broken hearts dont bounce.

when do you think enough is enough?

we spend our whole lives saying " i would never let that happen to me." or complaining about a friend who is in an unhealthy relationship when in reality were constantly doing it to ourselves everyday. we are always pushing ourselves closer and closer past the line of "okay" and we don't even notice. if we were to have ourselves filmed and watch what we do to ourselves we would be not only disappointed but i know we would all be so embarrassed! Now, i know your thinking to yourself I'm not like that and sorry to burst your bubble but, you really are. we all are!Now, you wonder why we do this to ourselves? who knows! I have wanted to know this for a while now and the only conclusion i can come up with is simply because we want it. No, I'm not saying we want to get beaten or we want to be unhappy and stuck with a kid and his dad doesn't pay child support but we strive to be this idealistic figure that we don't even notice when things aren't going the way they're supposed to we take so by the time we finally notice somethings not right were stuck in those really crappy places.


Example, a girl sits on her couch and watches chick flicks all the time and gets this fantasy in her head of how she wants all her relationships to go. she of course wants to meet the really cute boy in a book store where shes looking for her favorite book. of course, the boy has her book and they start up a conversation about it. after a great conversation they go on a date. the date goes well so, they go a few more. the girl has always told herself that she would never rush into a relationship but these past 3 dates have been so awesome. so what do you think she does? she lets her guard down and falls in love, and just like clock work what does the guy do right when she starts showing a little more of her feelings for him? he gets the heck out. you would think he was a track and field star with how fast he was running but the only way you know how he wasnt athletic at all is because his only achievement in life was the " best Luke Skywalker shrine"award from the 2007 comic convention. so, the girl sits there dumbfounded. how could she let this happen? she didn't even like him that much to begin with, but now she cant stop thinking about him, and how he wants nothing to do with her. Its an unfair game my friends. It really is, and i know we all get tired of playing. When do you think it will get to the part where everyone will have this huge revelation of being totally coherent of every little thing that goes around us. We will be able to recognize every step we take and what step the other is trying to take. it almost seems like a dream but i know eventually it will happen. I know somewhere out there in this crazy world, people are able to be emotionless until they have reached their destination, happiness in the healthiest way.


sounds a little crude i know but its what has to happen! I'm probably am making you think I'm some huge man hater but, i promise I'm not. this constant game is just so ridiculous to me! the only advice i can give is to just surround yourself with healthy happy friends. first sign of something making you unhappy, get away from it! if it makes you stressed, sad, frustrated, or anything less than 100% happy you better high tail out! just because your without someone to cuddle with or text constantly doesn't mean you cant be happy. so get over yourselves. if you cant seem to get away from it all, just make the best. like me, Im a firm believer that my life is a joke. Honestly, i feel that everyone's trying to play a joke on my life. I'm a typical lame, lazy, homebody with cats ( okay, i don't have cats but i wish i did.) and I'm okay with that! in conclusion to my huge rampage, just watch what the heck your doing kids. dont get caught up in something you'll regret later, and be happy!

the last week of summer, you wont be missed!

i know i know its been almost a month. its just super hard to remember about this thing! on a good note, i did remember at 2A.M. and so i begin to write. In my last post i talked alot about self discoverance and the steps i need to take to find who i truely am. sad to say i havent had much of a new discoverance lately, but i have been getting back on the right track. i was getting a little too busy with worldly things and forgetting what was ultimately the real reason why i was even here. so, WABAM. im back. didnt take long i know but its twice as hard getting back than it is to stay consistant. one thing that i have found that i just love love love doing is spending time with the missionaries. The missionaries that we have right now really like to take me out with them and i get to share some pretty awesome experiences with them. All the missionaries from tyler2, Bullard, Tyler 1st, and the spanish ward are so nice. one piece of advice i will share is that you should NOT sit right behind them during a stake confrence. you will be distracted the whole time. me and a close friend Adam were having such a hard time focusing because the elders were goofing off. shame shame. but one a higher note you could see the love they have for eachother very brightly. it was nice to look at. it makes me miss stephanie. she graduated this past weekend and i am so proud of her. she is truely a blessing and im the happiest girl ever when im with her. i cant wait to see her in 3 weeks.
speaking of 3 weeks. this will apply to my "journey to self- findance" mission. Audrey and I (and whoever else wants to join) will be driving to utah the weekend of labor day. it will be an awesome trip and im super excited to see all the pretty things. Audrey drove to Utah with sydney and she said it was so beautiful so im hoping this will help us single ladies be more independent :) . Im hoping that once school starts that independence stride will actually kick- in. i am taking 19 hours this semester so i will be doing alot of studying..ALONE. or need to atleast. Im so determined to be out of here by the end of this school year. it WILL happen. one thing that is going to make me happt this week is that my roomate is finally moving in on Thursday i believe. she had been gone all summer and i have been very lonely with out her. ill be soo happy when i wont have to be in an apartment all by myself. it will be a nice way to start the new school year. once she moves in we will have to go to "YA-A-TE" which is a leadership retreat for students at TJC. We both went last year and had so much fun and made alot of friends so hopefully since we are familar with everything we will be able to lead the other incoming students into having an awesome freshman year. fingers crossed.
on a spiritual note i lvoe how heavenly father know when to let someone you really love and care about know that you are feeling like they need to hear from you. Rosa Mower sent me a lovely letter today and it just made my heart melt. HF knows exactly want i want to hear when i am feeling down and lets face it. with all these stupid boy problems lately i NEED it! He is so simple and clear when it comes to those things. its amazing how we always have such a hard time finding him when he is so bright and right there! while i was reading my scriptures tonight i was going through my normal mood swings ( resembling a roller coaster) and i was at the low point, so he knew i would be reading in mosiah and knew i would love to here chapter 24! it was nice to know that he will always carry my burdens from me as long as i live through his commandments and have patience. that is one thing i learned i need to work on and that once i figure out how to be patient my feelings will eventually be taken away from me, so from here on out Allie is working on patience. this should be interesting. so, while i am working on my patience i will try to remember and keep up with this. i will also try to start a written one so my future children will be able to keep record of my life and how cool there mom was. that sounded kinda creepy but, it sounded like a smart idea when i was told about it. good- bye for now!

A mission not impossible.

To those few who read this, you probably already know a lot that goes on in my life. this post is probably not a suprise to you with what im about to do. The last couple of months im sure you've noticed i complain a lot. its not on purpose for dramatic effect, i prommise. I have just been stuck in a rut and im sure many have noticed. you get that feeling of lonelyness, that no one is understanding how youre feeling and no one really cares to know either. that evrything bad is happening to you one after another and you feel mistreated by loved ones and in my case i actually was, and many more depressing feelings. yes, i know this sounds REALLY dramatic and i'm sorry for that but i know the are people out there feeling this way. with this feeling that ive been having for months off and on now ive come to the conclusion the cause of all this is that i have lost myself. Not physically but mentally. i can hardly recognize who i am anymore, the fun happy care free Allie who loved everyone and was not stressed out every 2.5 seconds.
so- what does a girl do when she is faced with this problem? she sets her free- sprit out as she does often , but only to find one purpose. myself. how do i do that you ask? I go a a 9-day trip to Washington to bike 300 miles in 5 days. Washington i might add is BEAUTIFUL. mostly anyays, once you start getting more east it gets kinda yucky. the first few days were fun filed. living the life of a tourist, seeing Seattle and Forks (where Twilight was filmed) and had a blast. You never really notice all the beautiful things our heavenly father created until your actually out of your comfort zone somewhere new and exciting. everything thing there was special in its own way. I could for sure take my husband and kids to live up there for a while. Anyways, after we had our touristic fun we set out for Redmound, Washington to start our race. during those 5 days i indeed did find what i wanted :)when your faced to do something you've never done before, with out the assitance of the ones you lean most on you would be suprised at how much you can accomplish! yes, i was so sore and cranky at the end of everyday but i was so thankful that i as able to do so much! through this trip i learned that im stronger than i though, more determined, okay with being alone, made new friends, found happiness, found the things i DO NOT like in what i want for my husband, and also learn to be humble and be humble toward people even when they dont deserve it. that is a lot to learn in a week my friends. but now that i know these i am at such peace with myself. it amazing. at the end of the race i had gained so much more than a bunch of new biking equiptment. i got a whole new insight on life and - i got myself back. not completely but its getting there. so now, heres to a mission that will continue all summer and for the rest of the year that i will put myself in oportunities that ive never had and continue to let my free spirit soar in search for the love of myself. i will continually be updating this (hopefully) to keep yall informed on the progress ive been making in hopes that women out there will be encouraged to do the same thing and find the woman they lost eeither to men, work, children, or anything else. heaven father made you the way you are for a reason, so you could overcome the challenges that are being faced with to make you strong. i know you can over come them and be who you are really meant to be again. so heres to a wonderful journey and a happy ending!


also, keep Amanda Lloyd in your prays please. Her progress everyday is a blessing from H.F.

Kevin most awesome kid ever Hisel

One thing i have learned in Tyler is that they are blessed with a very select few group of people who are so awesome! kevin Hisel is one of those people. He is my sunday school teacher and also a very close friend. i love the way he teaches the doctrine. he puts it at a level i can relate, which is so important to a convert like me. Kevin is a special kid. He got very very sick a while ago and didnt think that he would be alive today and from the grace of god he is better than ever and even teaching others! i believe H.F. did me a great deal and let me meet him so we could become good friends and he could help me more than ever on my walk. He doesnt know how much he really helps me, but he does.
We had a FHE lesson last night over love and friendship and kevin is a perfect example of that! he never leaves anyone out, and always makes sure he haseveryone know that he cares for them. what an awesome example he is! i could go on and on about this awesome kid! Thomas S. Monson would be proud :) so to Kevin Hisel im so grateful for all that you do and thanks for being such an awesome friend!

moments that count.

Im sure you all have noticed that im starting to write in this more. i find it to be very helpful. these past few days have been pretty cool. every since the ex-missionaries left I knew i had to step my game up in Tyler. so, i started reading my scriptures more and studying them more. i am currently reading the book of Jacob. All i have say is that Jacob 5 is so AMAZING! my friend Dan in a way challenged me to read and see if i could understand it the first time i read it. so i read and i found every answer to all my problems lately in that one chapter! it was such a blessing. i have never really read the scriptures and connected so well with them before so it was completely awesome! it gave me the answer to my prayers about why I needed to be in Tyler. As you can tell from my other blogs,im not very much of a fan for this place. so it was nice to know an exact reason why i needed to be here. im so very blessed for being able to come across that. it was a nice uplifter for me :)
on Sunday i went to a ward in Palestine with sister Taylor and sister Loyd, they are my bff's in tyler. It made me feel thankful for the ward that i have. i never give it enough credit. but i was thankful for their tiny young womens class. they had 2 girls in there which gave me the opportunity to participate in their game they played. It was fun! we had to pretend to be missionaries and "convert" or be able to answers a nonmebers questions corectly. i would have to say the spirit for sure came right through me. i felt as if i was a true missionaries! it was pretty cool. then going back to the Tyler ward after that was nice. The whole Weaver family was back in town, with their newest member whitney. She is so tiny and adorable! im sure she will fit right in with that funny family.
memorial day was a succss! we actually planned a last minute YSA activity and it came though! i was so happy. people actually came and had fun. we all went to the lake and swam around, me and kevin did a little fishing that didnt turn out so great. either way it turnd out very nice and i am so pround of kevin and I for not giving up and keeping up the hard work! thanks kevin!

last night, which was June 1st i got to spend it with the people who mean most to me. Audrey and Drew. my two best friends with me, gold carting around martino land. of course Drew has to scare me and audrey every chance he gets by telling us freaky stories about convicts escaping and running to his land. not cool since me and arey are the biggest scady cats ever!- but of course thats Drew. The most incredible moment about last night was that we saw a shooting star!!! iknow, yall probably dont find it as cool as i do but i have never seen one! beign able to see it with two special people who you know will be in your lives forever is so precious. i felt like it was a true confirmation that we were suppost to be friends. i hope we were friends before we came down to earth as well. that would be so sweet.
im so blessed to be able to have all these great things happen lately! lets hope they keep coming!

A little recap.

Okay, so im sitting here in my room thinking about how blessed I really am. I just had the best week ever. my close friend Stephanie came down with her two friends Blake and Dan. Im so lucky to have them as friends now! Thinking back to how lucky i am to have the friends that i have back home is such a comfort for me. of course most of this group was from Utah, but it just makes me more excited to move there! These people i have met have such a strong spirit, its amazing. I love it. They way they are willing to use their priesthood to the fullest and not only be more than willing to help but actually suggest they we use them. It blows my mind that they have so proud in the calling they have been given. we need to see more of this for sure! other than their sweet spirits they are so kind. that is one thing i love about the church. In most cases the people are so welcoming and so friendly. i've met so many people this week and they have no become some of my closest friends. true blessing. through out this week we have seriously been in over drive! we have been driving everywhere, starting with sunday after church. We were so lucky to have had dinner with the Coslett's. I have never really had the chance to get to know them and i'm sorry i hadnt earlier! They are so kind and funny! Kim kept us company for hours with her stories and i laughed so much. it was much needed. She is learning to crotchet and she is so good at it, im hoping she can teach me. i need to pick up a hobby and think that would be a nice way to pass time by. Thank you so much Kim and Jerry for the wonderful time! monday was a day spent with the mowers! i love love love the mowers! they are the best gift god could have given me. spending the day with them is always great. we tried being hypnotized. if you have never done it i must say its very hard, and its doubtful that it will work. esp. if you have they guy doing it that did ours. his voice was SO funny! there was no hypnotizing that day, but there was a good laugh :) Rosa mower is such an inspiration to me. if i had never met her i would really be missing a huge part of my life. she is such an amazing woman. i could listen to her talk for hours and it never gets old. she gives the best advice ever. her advice actually works too! i have been having a lot of hardtimes and it almost seemed like my personal prayers werent helping. i love how rosa can look at me and give me the most simple answer to all my problems. Its funny how its usually my inpatience. i have to work on that. tuesday was the most eventful. we were given free tickets to Sixflags by a family Stephanie had served on her mission. we had so much fun! stephanie, blake, dan, clint, audrey, matt, and griffin we and had so much fun! I always feel like a little kid when i go there. it was hot and gross there but, well worth it :) i love spending time with all of them. After Sixflags we had some family bonding time and just swam around and watched a movie. Me and Audrey found a new talent. we are excellent syncronized swimmers. we can make a crowd go crazy thats for sure. ha, it was almost like dinner and a show for everyone. but our passion for it will never pass, we will continue to go for our dreams of having a team!

By the way, anyone who actually enjoyed Where the wild things are is crazy. i fell asleep in the first ten minutes. It made no sense. so if you actually did get it, then good job for you.

aside from that, wednesday i spent it with the mowers again and loved it. rosa and i had another great talk and she made us cookies :) i sware everytime i come home i gain wieght because of rosa and her cookies! wednesday night i went home. i had been dreading that all week but i only had to be alone for one night. and i wasnt really alone. i had a friend stay with me and we went to this pond that my friend Ammon always used to take me, its my favorite place in Tyler. its so peaceful and pretty. when i go there i always feel like im not in Tyler, im somewhere i actually want to be. it lets me get away for a while and just think about everything thats been bothering me and even making me happy. its a nice get away.

the Ex-missionaries came back to me! thursday they came to tyler and spent the night with me. i LOVED it. it was funny seeing them all squished into my little apartment! I took them to the Taylors and got yo meet my favorite person in tyler :) hilde taylor is so awesome. i love her to death, and past that! im blessed shes in my life. we took them to dinner then just came back to my place and tried watching a movie but we all crashed. now that they are gone im so sad! i wish they could stay with me forever and ever! but they have other places to be, so i must share. but im extremely blessed to be able to have friends like them and will miss them a lot.

this was truely an awesome week :) and now next week will be awesome as well because i will get to see little Drewby!!! im so pumped.

oh yes, also. i would like to add that just because i am a nice person does NOT mean you have to be rude to me. dont take advantage of me just because im a good person. i think its its very poor on a persons part for them to think that i am being "too nice" to annoy you. All i want is to be friendly with people so please, get over yourselves. i love you all and want the best for you all. seriously. :) so thank you!

Let's play a love game.

This weekend is going to be the best weekend ever! i have traveled back home so im in good ol' Denton and let me tell you. it's the best feeling in the world. nothing can compare to the feeling i get when i drive into denton and i pass stateschool, and our ghetto mall :) ha. I needed a serious getway from Tyler. Tyler is something in its self, and lately there has just been TOO MUCH. there is too much drama and not enough happiness there. i feel bad for poor Tyler.I hope it gets better. i want everyone to just love, and stop worrying about stupid little things. a main source of all this trouble has been a huge over load for me. i have been clinging on to the scriptures and prayer just to control my sanity. it doesnt help so much that im a very visual person. i watch everything, and i really mean everything. which ends up disappointing me a lot of times. so my lacking of noticing completely OBVIOUS things ends up screwing me over, but my ability to notice the unoticable is completely useless, unless it's to paranoy me. thanks brain. so what does a girl do when she is caught up thinking she is going crazy? she comes home and waits for stephanie johnston and audrey dwinnell to come play with her of course! these girls are a complete life saver! i'm so serious, they make me smile like a little girl. i wish they cold live in Tyler with me. Audrey has been a huge crutch for me lately, not like she never is but she has been a true sister to me by helping me with relationships. which are hard i might add. but just as long as you do what makes you happy, theres always a way to work it all out. and thats what ive been missing. doing what makes me happy. so im going be happy no matter what i do from now on :) and i would love it if you all joined me. i think if you add, church, scriptures, the people you love, a positive attitude, and a stuffed animal you WILL be the happiest person ever! i hope its very simple to make consistent. the picture on this post helps me alot. it comforts me to know that my heaven father is holding my hand. guiding me, not letting me go astray. its a nice feeling. i get this feeling when im around stephanie too. all i have to say is my friends are so amazing and im so blessed for all the miracles they do for me :)

pardon me.

i've come to realize im extremely blessed.

not blessed with only good things,

but bad as well and im thankful that i can listen to the prophets to cheer me up.

thank you prophets.

sincerely, Allie.

i have been feeling an ergency of change. i feel that im not the best as i can be and of course im going to over analyze everything about it. the thing is i dont know what else i can do. i need stephanie here with me to cheer me up that would be nice, but to consume the time that shes not here i have become very emo. ha, not quite but i do feel so down! i feel like im almost an entertainment event for some people. that they look at me like im not good enough. that the things i dont do are right, which i know they are wrong. because i live very righteously. and im so thankful for the spirit. without it i wouldnt be where i am today- which is happiness to the extreme. i love following my heavenly fathers road map for me. im sorry if you are not able to see that i am going to be a representative of the lord even with my past. so, if you cannot see this happening im sorry i have led you in the wrong way. because i am. and always will be and hopefully next time the glow of the holy spirit will be so bright around me that no explanation will be needed for you will see the only thing i stand for is of righteousness. i hope i can do that- for you and for everyone. my testimony and faith grows every day and im still learning and i am again thankful for these bitter sweet blessings.

The begining, which began a long time ago.

lately i have had a deal of frustrations come upon me. which, is sad because ever since i have been baptized i havent felt any anger, frustration, or negative feelings...until now. i feel terrible for this feeling but i cant help but feel this way. i think i need to go back to Utah to fix this. i can only wish. i feel like this huge snow ball effect has been happening ever since i was leaving for Utah. although i didnt feel frustrated or my exact feeling - ANNOYED. i need to pray very strongly about this, ive decided. Im sure it will help.

Last week i was so blessed and was able to go to Utah for my spring break. The feelings i had while i was there were so amazing. so peaceful, and so many new opportunities for new experiences :) which i loved. I loved waking up every morning and being able to see huge moutnains right there in front of me. i just wish i could climb up on one of them and look out at everything. it would look so small - which we should all think that it is, simply small. we let things grow and grow to where we think its too big to handle. so, we sit in self pitty and hope someone can have sympathy for us so we can feel a little bit of self confidence and comfort for the moment. its frightening to know people go through this everyday. so, you ask what is my resolution to this feeling of self-doubt? go to Utah of course. i promise all your worries will go away. im sure if you lived in Utah you would still have problems but for anyone currently living in Texas- i suggest you take a break from you rain/humidity/snowy weather and go there.
when i went up and gave my first Testimony on fast sunday (which was my first Sunday there) i talked about peace. it was so easy to talk about peace because i was surrounded by it! i dont know why anyone wouldnt feel that feeling i got to feel for 9 days. if i had only known what an extreme amount of peace i was going to be able to experience on top of what i was already testifying about.

Being back in the Lonestar state was somewhat comforting. i did miss it some. i never realized how much i do love country music and love how everything here is so much bigger and how we are so independent. its one of those places you will come back to in a few years and feel as though you never left. i love it. Going back to school, work, and my ward was definately something i should have prepared for. they did not hesitate to drag me right back in everything to keep things going. i do love staying busy, just a bit of culture shock i ust say. these few months are going to be the busiest, i better hold on tight.