pardon me.

i've come to realize im extremely blessed.

not blessed with only good things,

but bad as well and im thankful that i can listen to the prophets to cheer me up.

thank you prophets.

sincerely, Allie.

i have been feeling an ergency of change. i feel that im not the best as i can be and of course im going to over analyze everything about it. the thing is i dont know what else i can do. i need stephanie here with me to cheer me up that would be nice, but to consume the time that shes not here i have become very emo. ha, not quite but i do feel so down! i feel like im almost an entertainment event for some people. that they look at me like im not good enough. that the things i dont do are right, which i know they are wrong. because i live very righteously. and im so thankful for the spirit. without it i wouldnt be where i am today- which is happiness to the extreme. i love following my heavenly fathers road map for me. im sorry if you are not able to see that i am going to be a representative of the lord even with my past. so, if you cannot see this happening im sorry i have led you in the wrong way. because i am. and always will be and hopefully next time the glow of the holy spirit will be so bright around me that no explanation will be needed for you will see the only thing i stand for is of righteousness. i hope i can do that- for you and for everyone. my testimony and faith grows every day and im still learning and i am again thankful for these bitter sweet blessings.

The begining, which began a long time ago.

lately i have had a deal of frustrations come upon me. which, is sad because ever since i have been baptized i havent felt any anger, frustration, or negative feelings...until now. i feel terrible for this feeling but i cant help but feel this way. i think i need to go back to Utah to fix this. i can only wish. i feel like this huge snow ball effect has been happening ever since i was leaving for Utah. although i didnt feel frustrated or my exact feeling - ANNOYED. i need to pray very strongly about this, ive decided. Im sure it will help.

Last week i was so blessed and was able to go to Utah for my spring break. The feelings i had while i was there were so amazing. so peaceful, and so many new opportunities for new experiences :) which i loved. I loved waking up every morning and being able to see huge moutnains right there in front of me. i just wish i could climb up on one of them and look out at everything. it would look so small - which we should all think that it is, simply small. we let things grow and grow to where we think its too big to handle. so, we sit in self pitty and hope someone can have sympathy for us so we can feel a little bit of self confidence and comfort for the moment. its frightening to know people go through this everyday. so, you ask what is my resolution to this feeling of self-doubt? go to Utah of course. i promise all your worries will go away. im sure if you lived in Utah you would still have problems but for anyone currently living in Texas- i suggest you take a break from you rain/humidity/snowy weather and go there.
when i went up and gave my first Testimony on fast sunday (which was my first Sunday there) i talked about peace. it was so easy to talk about peace because i was surrounded by it! i dont know why anyone wouldnt feel that feeling i got to feel for 9 days. if i had only known what an extreme amount of peace i was going to be able to experience on top of what i was already testifying about.

Being back in the Lonestar state was somewhat comforting. i did miss it some. i never realized how much i do love country music and love how everything here is so much bigger and how we are so independent. its one of those places you will come back to in a few years and feel as though you never left. i love it. Going back to school, work, and my ward was definately something i should have prepared for. they did not hesitate to drag me right back in everything to keep things going. i do love staying busy, just a bit of culture shock i ust say. these few months are going to be the busiest, i better hold on tight.