kickin' off the bucket list.

As of lately I've had a lot of time to think due to unemployment and schooling. During this time I realize that there are a lot of things I would like to do. Although, I am only 20 years old, I think this is the most perfect time to start the adventures I've always wanted to do. Interesting how all of this worked out, The day I returned from Utah (my home away from home that will became my home in the near future) I finally received my substantial amount of money from my previous school which put my brain from going a million miles per hour to only about a thousand. It was a nice breather seeing as how my brain is always going crazy. Due to my lack of financial worriment I of course had to think about something else. That's when I began to think about what I personally would want to do, not before I die, but before I get married and settled In with my "wiser" years. At my age girl's tend to start thinking about marriage, especially being LDS and that is not the case for me at all. I have too many things I want to do and experience before I have to tote another person with me everywhere I go. No offense to those who are toting- It's just not my thing, unless it's a friend :-). Friends are always okay, most of the time.
- so going forward on to the list of things I just realized I wanted to do, the first being way more traveling. I want to travel to Ireland, and Italy. I could fantasize about how beautiful it is my whole life but when am I going to actually make fantasy reality and go? Well, soon I hope, but I figured with a lot begging from my parents and many presents given up I could get there. So, here's to traveling and meeting new people! I think I could handle meeting new people from different countries, they might understand my sarcasm a little more. We can only hope. I feel, actually I know that a lot of times people don't catch on to my sarcasm. In my opinion, it's their loss, because I'm quite funny but none the less they don't always get it. Okay, bringing us to the second item of the bucket list is to be more open. Not open in a "late hours" kind of way, or an open dater (although, I'm not opposed to that but let's face it that doesn't happen to often here in Texas), but yes to being open and more avialable to opportunities that come my way. I have wasted so many great things that could have changed my life due to other obligations that i knew wouldn't do as much for me or just pure lack of energy. Yes, i admitted it. These past few months or actually since school started I have been extremely lazy. Ya know, sometimes life just takes a lot out of you. That's why I'm using this semester off to get it back! It's important for women to do things like this to rejuvenate themselves everyone in a while. It's part of the cycle. boy's take notes- they go through the I don't care cycle where all the want to achieve is self contentment and be happy how they are even if they are over weight (which results in way too much eating) and not the "best" selves they can be. They also hit the super self conscious, I'm not eating anything in fear of my body absorbing every calorie I take in because I feel like every one looking at me is judging me. Sadly, this part of the cycle happens far too often but hey, it happens to the best of us. Lastly, I'm sure with a few more stages of the cycle in between there is the rejuvenation stage. Every girl realizes the ups and downs of their roller coaster cycle and wants to set everything straight again. They want to be a better them in all ways possible doing things they've never had the chance to do ( as I'm doing) and having that constant breath of fresh air around them. Now that I've reiterated some of the basic points in a woman's life giving reason to why we have these random acts of change in life.
- I've gotten off track, like usual and since you all know that my blogs can get a little random and can end very abruptly I feel I must continue the tradition. Maybe as my life goes on I will inform everyone of the bucket list progression, but for now it's sianora (sp?) busta's!

Deck the Halls

Fa La La La La La La La La. merry christmas y'all/ and or Happy Birthday Jesus!
i'm expecting everyone had a really excellent Christmas. I know I did. I got to spend time with my family which is always entertaining and loved watching everyone open their gifts. this year i crafted everyone's gifts. surprisingly they turned out really cute, I was a little hesitant but after making them all i was very proud of myself for slaving forever (okay, hours) on these cute little flower pins! im glad im still in this crafty phase. i have decided to get creative with my room so my once colorful rainbow/skittles room is now becoming an adult room of relaxation and peace. i can only strive to get there so we will see how it actually turns out.
Aside from Christmas i have decided i will never work in customer service again. for the past few weeks i have been working at the Gaylord Texan in the ICE exhibit. for those of you who dont know what that is i'll explain. ICE is a huge place filled with a theme of ice sculpues. this year they chose "A Charlie Brown Christmas" so they hire these chinese men to stay in the Gaylord for 30 days working 12 hours a day making these awesome sculptures. once they are finished they put a few gift stores in there a hot cocoa stand and of course a picture booths and there you have ice. people pay over 30 dollars a ticket to stand in line for hours and then walk in 9 degree weather for about 30 mins wearing these huge blue parkas. wondering what exactly i do? i work in the photography section of it. its not great. i stand all the time and have to pretent to be super excited about my job and laugh at every person that walks up to the table and says " where the ones wearing the blue parkas, can you find our picture?" i dont know if they think thats funny or not..but its really not. thankfully my last day is the 30th due to my trip to UTAHHH!
im super excited for utah. words cant describe. i get to see my favorite person in the whole world stephanie. she is my angel. and i get to spend 2 weeks with her. no destractions this time! she is one of the few people who can make me happier than anything in the world. i could spend every second with her and i would never get annoyed, and that says a lot! shes an awesome example for me, inside and outside the church. only a few more days (5 to be exact) till i see her!
well, suckas I know i am terrible at writing in this, and i know that you know i Suck at writing in this because i remind you every post but once i know how to be crafty with this i promise it will be good. chatcha later!

broken hearts dont bounce.

when do you think enough is enough?

we spend our whole lives saying " i would never let that happen to me." or complaining about a friend who is in an unhealthy relationship when in reality were constantly doing it to ourselves everyday. we are always pushing ourselves closer and closer past the line of "okay" and we don't even notice. if we were to have ourselves filmed and watch what we do to ourselves we would be not only disappointed but i know we would all be so embarrassed! Now, i know your thinking to yourself I'm not like that and sorry to burst your bubble but, you really are. we all are!Now, you wonder why we do this to ourselves? who knows! I have wanted to know this for a while now and the only conclusion i can come up with is simply because we want it. No, I'm not saying we want to get beaten or we want to be unhappy and stuck with a kid and his dad doesn't pay child support but we strive to be this idealistic figure that we don't even notice when things aren't going the way they're supposed to we take so by the time we finally notice somethings not right were stuck in those really crappy places.


Example, a girl sits on her couch and watches chick flicks all the time and gets this fantasy in her head of how she wants all her relationships to go. she of course wants to meet the really cute boy in a book store where shes looking for her favorite book. of course, the boy has her book and they start up a conversation about it. after a great conversation they go on a date. the date goes well so, they go a few more. the girl has always told herself that she would never rush into a relationship but these past 3 dates have been so awesome. so what do you think she does? she lets her guard down and falls in love, and just like clock work what does the guy do right when she starts showing a little more of her feelings for him? he gets the heck out. you would think he was a track and field star with how fast he was running but the only way you know how he wasnt athletic at all is because his only achievement in life was the " best Luke Skywalker shrine"award from the 2007 comic convention. so, the girl sits there dumbfounded. how could she let this happen? she didn't even like him that much to begin with, but now she cant stop thinking about him, and how he wants nothing to do with her. Its an unfair game my friends. It really is, and i know we all get tired of playing. When do you think it will get to the part where everyone will have this huge revelation of being totally coherent of every little thing that goes around us. We will be able to recognize every step we take and what step the other is trying to take. it almost seems like a dream but i know eventually it will happen. I know somewhere out there in this crazy world, people are able to be emotionless until they have reached their destination, happiness in the healthiest way.


sounds a little crude i know but its what has to happen! I'm probably am making you think I'm some huge man hater but, i promise I'm not. this constant game is just so ridiculous to me! the only advice i can give is to just surround yourself with healthy happy friends. first sign of something making you unhappy, get away from it! if it makes you stressed, sad, frustrated, or anything less than 100% happy you better high tail out! just because your without someone to cuddle with or text constantly doesn't mean you cant be happy. so get over yourselves. if you cant seem to get away from it all, just make the best. like me, Im a firm believer that my life is a joke. Honestly, i feel that everyone's trying to play a joke on my life. I'm a typical lame, lazy, homebody with cats ( okay, i don't have cats but i wish i did.) and I'm okay with that! in conclusion to my huge rampage, just watch what the heck your doing kids. dont get caught up in something you'll regret later, and be happy!

the last week of summer, you wont be missed!

i know i know its been almost a month. its just super hard to remember about this thing! on a good note, i did remember at 2A.M. and so i begin to write. In my last post i talked alot about self discoverance and the steps i need to take to find who i truely am. sad to say i havent had much of a new discoverance lately, but i have been getting back on the right track. i was getting a little too busy with worldly things and forgetting what was ultimately the real reason why i was even here. so, WABAM. im back. didnt take long i know but its twice as hard getting back than it is to stay consistant. one thing that i have found that i just love love love doing is spending time with the missionaries. The missionaries that we have right now really like to take me out with them and i get to share some pretty awesome experiences with them. All the missionaries from tyler2, Bullard, Tyler 1st, and the spanish ward are so nice. one piece of advice i will share is that you should NOT sit right behind them during a stake confrence. you will be distracted the whole time. me and a close friend Adam were having such a hard time focusing because the elders were goofing off. shame shame. but one a higher note you could see the love they have for eachother very brightly. it was nice to look at. it makes me miss stephanie. she graduated this past weekend and i am so proud of her. she is truely a blessing and im the happiest girl ever when im with her. i cant wait to see her in 3 weeks.
speaking of 3 weeks. this will apply to my "journey to self- findance" mission. Audrey and I (and whoever else wants to join) will be driving to utah the weekend of labor day. it will be an awesome trip and im super excited to see all the pretty things. Audrey drove to Utah with sydney and she said it was so beautiful so im hoping this will help us single ladies be more independent :) . Im hoping that once school starts that independence stride will actually kick- in. i am taking 19 hours this semester so i will be doing alot of studying..ALONE. or need to atleast. Im so determined to be out of here by the end of this school year. it WILL happen. one thing that is going to make me happt this week is that my roomate is finally moving in on Thursday i believe. she had been gone all summer and i have been very lonely with out her. ill be soo happy when i wont have to be in an apartment all by myself. it will be a nice way to start the new school year. once she moves in we will have to go to "YA-A-TE" which is a leadership retreat for students at TJC. We both went last year and had so much fun and made alot of friends so hopefully since we are familar with everything we will be able to lead the other incoming students into having an awesome freshman year. fingers crossed.
on a spiritual note i lvoe how heavenly father know when to let someone you really love and care about know that you are feeling like they need to hear from you. Rosa Mower sent me a lovely letter today and it just made my heart melt. HF knows exactly want i want to hear when i am feeling down and lets face it. with all these stupid boy problems lately i NEED it! He is so simple and clear when it comes to those things. its amazing how we always have such a hard time finding him when he is so bright and right there! while i was reading my scriptures tonight i was going through my normal mood swings ( resembling a roller coaster) and i was at the low point, so he knew i would be reading in mosiah and knew i would love to here chapter 24! it was nice to know that he will always carry my burdens from me as long as i live through his commandments and have patience. that is one thing i learned i need to work on and that once i figure out how to be patient my feelings will eventually be taken away from me, so from here on out Allie is working on patience. this should be interesting. so, while i am working on my patience i will try to remember and keep up with this. i will also try to start a written one so my future children will be able to keep record of my life and how cool there mom was. that sounded kinda creepy but, it sounded like a smart idea when i was told about it. good- bye for now!

A mission not impossible.

To those few who read this, you probably already know a lot that goes on in my life. this post is probably not a suprise to you with what im about to do. The last couple of months im sure you've noticed i complain a lot. its not on purpose for dramatic effect, i prommise. I have just been stuck in a rut and im sure many have noticed. you get that feeling of lonelyness, that no one is understanding how youre feeling and no one really cares to know either. that evrything bad is happening to you one after another and you feel mistreated by loved ones and in my case i actually was, and many more depressing feelings. yes, i know this sounds REALLY dramatic and i'm sorry for that but i know the are people out there feeling this way. with this feeling that ive been having for months off and on now ive come to the conclusion the cause of all this is that i have lost myself. Not physically but mentally. i can hardly recognize who i am anymore, the fun happy care free Allie who loved everyone and was not stressed out every 2.5 seconds.
so- what does a girl do when she is faced with this problem? she sets her free- sprit out as she does often , but only to find one purpose. myself. how do i do that you ask? I go a a 9-day trip to Washington to bike 300 miles in 5 days. Washington i might add is BEAUTIFUL. mostly anyays, once you start getting more east it gets kinda yucky. the first few days were fun filed. living the life of a tourist, seeing Seattle and Forks (where Twilight was filmed) and had a blast. You never really notice all the beautiful things our heavenly father created until your actually out of your comfort zone somewhere new and exciting. everything thing there was special in its own way. I could for sure take my husband and kids to live up there for a while. Anyways, after we had our touristic fun we set out for Redmound, Washington to start our race. during those 5 days i indeed did find what i wanted :)when your faced to do something you've never done before, with out the assitance of the ones you lean most on you would be suprised at how much you can accomplish! yes, i was so sore and cranky at the end of everyday but i was so thankful that i as able to do so much! through this trip i learned that im stronger than i though, more determined, okay with being alone, made new friends, found happiness, found the things i DO NOT like in what i want for my husband, and also learn to be humble and be humble toward people even when they dont deserve it. that is a lot to learn in a week my friends. but now that i know these i am at such peace with myself. it amazing. at the end of the race i had gained so much more than a bunch of new biking equiptment. i got a whole new insight on life and - i got myself back. not completely but its getting there. so now, heres to a mission that will continue all summer and for the rest of the year that i will put myself in oportunities that ive never had and continue to let my free spirit soar in search for the love of myself. i will continually be updating this (hopefully) to keep yall informed on the progress ive been making in hopes that women out there will be encouraged to do the same thing and find the woman they lost eeither to men, work, children, or anything else. heaven father made you the way you are for a reason, so you could overcome the challenges that are being faced with to make you strong. i know you can over come them and be who you are really meant to be again. so heres to a wonderful journey and a happy ending!


also, keep Amanda Lloyd in your prays please. Her progress everyday is a blessing from H.F.

Kevin most awesome kid ever Hisel

One thing i have learned in Tyler is that they are blessed with a very select few group of people who are so awesome! kevin Hisel is one of those people. He is my sunday school teacher and also a very close friend. i love the way he teaches the doctrine. he puts it at a level i can relate, which is so important to a convert like me. Kevin is a special kid. He got very very sick a while ago and didnt think that he would be alive today and from the grace of god he is better than ever and even teaching others! i believe H.F. did me a great deal and let me meet him so we could become good friends and he could help me more than ever on my walk. He doesnt know how much he really helps me, but he does.
We had a FHE lesson last night over love and friendship and kevin is a perfect example of that! he never leaves anyone out, and always makes sure he haseveryone know that he cares for them. what an awesome example he is! i could go on and on about this awesome kid! Thomas S. Monson would be proud :) so to Kevin Hisel im so grateful for all that you do and thanks for being such an awesome friend!

moments that count.

Im sure you all have noticed that im starting to write in this more. i find it to be very helpful. these past few days have been pretty cool. every since the ex-missionaries left I knew i had to step my game up in Tyler. so, i started reading my scriptures more and studying them more. i am currently reading the book of Jacob. All i have say is that Jacob 5 is so AMAZING! my friend Dan in a way challenged me to read and see if i could understand it the first time i read it. so i read and i found every answer to all my problems lately in that one chapter! it was such a blessing. i have never really read the scriptures and connected so well with them before so it was completely awesome! it gave me the answer to my prayers about why I needed to be in Tyler. As you can tell from my other blogs,im not very much of a fan for this place. so it was nice to know an exact reason why i needed to be here. im so very blessed for being able to come across that. it was a nice uplifter for me :)
on Sunday i went to a ward in Palestine with sister Taylor and sister Loyd, they are my bff's in tyler. It made me feel thankful for the ward that i have. i never give it enough credit. but i was thankful for their tiny young womens class. they had 2 girls in there which gave me the opportunity to participate in their game they played. It was fun! we had to pretend to be missionaries and "convert" or be able to answers a nonmebers questions corectly. i would have to say the spirit for sure came right through me. i felt as if i was a true missionaries! it was pretty cool. then going back to the Tyler ward after that was nice. The whole Weaver family was back in town, with their newest member whitney. She is so tiny and adorable! im sure she will fit right in with that funny family.
memorial day was a succss! we actually planned a last minute YSA activity and it came though! i was so happy. people actually came and had fun. we all went to the lake and swam around, me and kevin did a little fishing that didnt turn out so great. either way it turnd out very nice and i am so pround of kevin and I for not giving up and keeping up the hard work! thanks kevin!

last night, which was June 1st i got to spend it with the people who mean most to me. Audrey and Drew. my two best friends with me, gold carting around martino land. of course Drew has to scare me and audrey every chance he gets by telling us freaky stories about convicts escaping and running to his land. not cool since me and arey are the biggest scady cats ever!- but of course thats Drew. The most incredible moment about last night was that we saw a shooting star!!! iknow, yall probably dont find it as cool as i do but i have never seen one! beign able to see it with two special people who you know will be in your lives forever is so precious. i felt like it was a true confirmation that we were suppost to be friends. i hope we were friends before we came down to earth as well. that would be so sweet.
im so blessed to be able to have all these great things happen lately! lets hope they keep coming!